Lord, calm my anxious thoughts.

Lately I have been so worried about everything in my life. I find myself wishing so much for a simpler time. When I think of a simpler time I think of summer. But even summer is not so simple anymore. Nothing is.

I don't think anyone even reads this anymore. Maybe thats ok. I don't really write for anyone's benefit but my own. I enjoy writing down my thoughts. I think thats mostly what blogging is about anyway.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23

I am such a fool sometimes. I worry about my school work, my relationships, the future, money, running, and all kinds of other things. It really all comes down to whether or not I trust that God will take care of me. To be honest, sometimes I doubt that he really has my life in control. It definitely doesn't feel that way sometimes. I'm tired of all the fancy terms people use to define their version of The Gospel.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to be held. Like I need to tell someone all of my anxious thoughts, and have them care, and then know that no matter what I'll be taken care of. To know that I am under grace, and sweet mercy. And then to have rest.

I know there is a lot of fancy theology missing from that. But most of the time, thats the gospel I need. Just loving God, and loving eachother.

Lord let it be...

I do believe. Help me overcome my unbelief.

Man, this was an amazing week. I don't want to go back to classes. I want to not eat so much crap. Not because I feel like I need to lose weight. I would really like to feel better though. I would like to see results in my workout life. Thats not happening. I have lost about 8 lbs. at this point and thats disappointing because I know I haven't changed anything about how I eat, and I if I did I would see better results. I've been working out for a little over 2 months and I really should have lost about 20 lbs. Maybe a little less. I realize I'm also building muscle, but I also know that I eat like a trucker. Through the last 2 months I have consistently maintained that I refuse to give up or even limit my Mt. Dew intake. Consequently, I have increased my intake, partly to reward myself for doing well in my work outs. A viscous, viscous cycle, really. And its finally making me uncomfortable enough to change. Thats how most things go though. I got a really cool water bottle. I am going to try to make an effort to seriously suplement what I usually drink in Mt. Dew with water. I'm just gonna take it wherever I go. Drinking lots of water makes you have to pee all the time though. That is a horrible feeling, I think. I want to feel good though. I guess I'll just do it until it starts giving me results or makes me too uncomfortable. Funny how that works. This is just the next step. If I can discipline myself to work out all the time it won't be as hard to start eating better. The next thing I need to work on is time management/getting enough sleep. What I'm doing right now is a good example of managing my time poorly. Goodnight.

If I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.

I guess I just never knew it could be this good.

Today I:

Went fishing, flew a kite, ate at Buffett City, stepped on some Jello with my bare foot, layed out under the stars with my love, got a little too much sun......mmmmmm. The whole day made me feel like summer, and I am so passionately pining for it now it hurts. Only....6 more weeks?

Spring break is so much fun this year. And its only Tuesday. Tomorrow, I'm going home. Probably to run with my sister(s), and hang out with my family, and Nathan. I'm pretty excited about it.

THURSDAY! I am going on a road trip with Nathan. We're going to Bricktown to eat and see Slumdog Millionaire, and that night we're going to see Gaither Vocal Band in concert! My first time to see them live. I'm pretty excited.

Only bad thing about Spring Break is that it ends. I won't think about that now. I'll think about that tomorrow....or Sunday.

Spring Freaking Break

I knew this would happen eventually, but I think the idealist side of me thought that maybe it wouldn't. I'm sick, and I couldn't do my runs this week. Its also exactly the kind of sickness that would prevent someone from running. My asthma is going insane. But, I want to be able to say that I didn't ever not go running...

Well I guess I won't be able to say that, but instead of running 3 miles this week, I walked 5 each day. I just can't breathe very well, especially when my heart rate gets elevated. So, I had to make sure that didn't happen. Walking was a good sollution. This week I also lost 3 lbs. I've officially lost 10 lbs. now. Feels good. I'm actually starting to feel it. Now if I could just get over this awful sickness...its driving me crazy. I think I take health for granted.

I just took my Theory IV mid-term. I'm pretty sure I didn't fail, but thats about all I'm absolutely sure of. If its any consolation, I felt the same way about my Amortization test the other and I got an 95% on it. I just don't know how many times that can happen to a person....it seemed like really good luck at the time. I have no idea.

Anyway, now I'm on SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Nothing spells romantic like chic-fil-a..."

Yesterday was absolutely glorious. I had a huge test in Contemporary Mathematics. It was a soul-stealer. I did pretty well on it, though.

After my test and another class, Nathan and I got together for a picnic. It was like a wonderful dream. We just layed out on The U on a blanket, and ate chic-fil-a and sunflower seeds, drank lemonade, did a sudoku together. We just layed there loving eachother and soaking up the beautiful day. Having a picnic was on my list, and this picnic was even better than I imagined it would be. I was so sad when we had to go to Cappella. But it will be a great memory.

Last night my sister texted me and said, "I just saw a black midget!" Little back story....

We were watching Little People, Big World one day and started talking about how we're not sure if we've ever seen a black little person. Now, I'm sure they're out there but we were shocked that we'd never actually seen one. (I realize that this is distasteful on many, many levels. I apologize, but its hilarious.) I asked her where she saw this phenomenon, and she said, "Where else.....QT." She went on to say that he was actually "gangsta", too. Hahahahaha.

I've been really enjoying my life this week. I hope the weather stays semi-warm. Its just so very lovely. Makes me feel like there's hope for summer. I need that.

Mmmmm, weekend....